The Return of the Anniversary Limerick

October 12, 1996

There once was a lad named Shawn
Who was looking to be Don Juan
Thoughts full of erotica
He would woo Veronica
Whose soft cries encouraged him on

Good afternoon. Today Shawn and I are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. Okay in actuality the celebrating began on October 8th when we drove down to Bisbee. We spent a couple nights at the Bisbee Grand Hotel and then drove through Arizona wine country on our way to Tucson where we spent a couple nights at the Hacienda Del Sol and spent Monday at the DeGrazia Gallery in the Sun Museum. I figured 25 is a big anniversary and Shawn deserved another limerick, but nothing rhymes with silver. And yes, I know I used a near rhyme with erotica and Veronica but I didn’t like any of the near rhymes for silver. Don Juan DeMarco happens to be one of Shawn and my favorite movies and Don Juan and Shawn rhyme so I went with it. Of course after 25 years of marriage I’m beginning to relate more with Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway’s characters than with the striking young Johnny Depp Don Juan.

Mr. & Mrs Shawn Hosking October, 11 2021

Poetry is Fun

Poor Gretchen is forced to take a poetry course this semester, and she thinks her mother is a pain during #NaPoWriMo – ha! this year she’ll be buried with poetry too. Her first poem was due yesterday and she lacked inspiration. I don’t think she found my form of inspiration inspiring.

There once was a lady named Gretchen
Who earned a living as a dolmetschen
She spoke German fair
And knew Fräulein from Herr
But could find no translation for Frettchen

At least my child wrote free verse and did not have to worry about creating any forced rhymes. But it’s been a few years since I wrote a limerick and they’re always fun to experiment with even when they aren’t that good.

Gretchen and me 1st day spring break

Since ASU canceled spring break this year, I grabbed an old photo of Gretchen and me.

Happy Anniversary

Since both girls were on fall break, my in-laws flew down to visit over the long holiday weekend, and I think we had a fun-filled time. Friday October 6 was opening night for The Monster Menagerie at Alwun house. We went and saw Shawn’s artwork. Then Saturday afternoon everyone went out to eat over at PF Chang’s. You know you frequent a place too often when the waitress walks over to your table, smiles and says, Oh it’s my friends one Bloody Mary and Virgin Bloody Mary. Sunday afternoon we had lunch at Denny’s and then spent some time at Barnes and Noble. Monday morning we got up bright and early to drive up to Sedona and spent the day there walking around and shopping. Tuesday it was off to the movies and then dinner at Oregano’s in Tempe for Mimi and Poppo’s last night in Phoenix. Wednesday they shuffled off to Buffalo and Rachael headed back to school. Gretchen has the rest of the week off until her college class Saturday morning. Last Saturday her professor was impressed with her essay and I posted it on Facebook. The evil twin replied, Umm… it’s Saturday. Is it really?! Yes, the poor child has school 6 days a week.

Today Shawn and I have been married for twenty-one years. For our big 20th anniversary we spent the day enjoying The Ales on Rails train ride at the Verde Valley Railway. It happened to fall a couple days before our anniversary due to when Rachael had fall break and the train schedule. When I posted the photo of our trip on Tuesday, I realized I was short one limerick for year 21. At Oregano’s I noticed they had Italian wedding soup and I ordered a bowl. Well Shawn seems to enjoy taking and sharing the most unflattering photos. I told him he has no one but himself to blame for this limerick.

Foolish husband holds up camera and peers
through its lens until his wife sneers
he snaps a quick shot
and being a twat
shares it on Facebook to haunt her for years

And no, I am not posting the photo here so unless you are friends with me on Facebook, you will just have to imagine how unflattering my facial expression is. 😛

The Jackass Artist

Butt Seriously – The Phoenix New Times highlighted the best shows to see for February’s first Friday. Butt Seriously at the Found RE in Phoenix runs through the 26th. If a certain man does not make it to see his 45th birthday at the end of this month. This blog post is not to be consider evidence for any mishap that may befall him before then.

There once was an artist who entered his wife’s ass
in an art show he thought was going to be high-class
Butt Seriously
imperiously
he decided it was best to bypass
her permission, fearing she’d label him jackass

Riding the Rails

Here we are once more October 12th has swung around again. Today Shawn and I are celebrating our 20th anniversary! Wow where did all those years disappear to. Well five years ago, we took a week and traveled New Mexico, Santa Fe, Taos, and Ghost Ranch. Of course we wanted to do something special for twenty years. But now we have a child in college and not as much mad money.

Gretchen is on fall break this entire week. And Rachael had a short fall break with ASU. They had off on Monday and Tuesday. This gave Shawn and me an opportunity to get away over the weekend. Back in August, I was looking at day trips and found Ales on Rails by the Verde Canyon Railway. Oktoberfest lunch, beer sampling, and then a ride on the train. Perfect since Shawn and I took a train trip for our honeymoon.

 

Shawn and I drove up to Clarkdale Sunday morning, checked in to get our train tickets, enjoyed an Oktoberfest meal and beer sampling, and then boarded the train. It’s a four hour tour of the Verde Valley while onboard, we had more food and drinks and then birthday cake. A lovely young lady was celebrating her 7th birthday and shared cake with the car. When we disembarked Shawn and I checked into a hotel in Cottonwood. In the lobby Shawn picked up one of those free magazines and noticed the cover artist was the featured artist in September for 9 the gallery. Two hours outside of Phoenix and we still read things about the city.

Gifts for 20th anniversary – traditional is china, modern is platinum. Notice the picture of our rings. Shawn insisted on a platinum wedding band twenty years ago; I figure I’m covered on that one. And traditional gifts in this relationship has turned into limericks. Be forewarned I’ve been married to this man for 20 years and it doesn’t take a genius to realize what rhymes with china.

 

Happy couple celebrates twenty years
ride Oktoberfest train sampling beers
too trendy for china
he craves her vagina
chugs over orgasmic crescendo and cheers

Haiku Challenge

 

Changing appearance
Second picture shows contrast
Over years between

In both of these pictures, I am standing in front of the closet in my bedroom. The first one was taken quite a few years ago, but I recently had it up on Facebook to celebrate Star Trek turning 50. The second I took last week before I went out to the Phoenix art and chocolate show on Thursday. The #haikuchallenge word on twitter today is second. I have been lax in the poetry writing lately, I need to get back into it.

Shawn and I will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary next month. I started to fiddle with his limerick gift. The traditional gift is china. We spent a few days up in New Mexico for our 15th anniversary and toured some vineyards and actually picked up crystal souvenir wine glasses. But I still had fun with the limerick.

There was a woman being a pistol
who wrapped herself as a present coital
fifteenth anniversary
was becoming a quandary
since she found no great gift in crystal

18th anniversary limerick

19th anniversary limerick

NaPoWriMo Day 4

Old Ailments

There was a young lady pretty in lace
Who wanted her beau to run past third base
to prevent wandering womb
I must make him my groom
Better not suffer from bicycle face

Bicycle race

Bicycle race

NapoWriMo Prompt – And now for today’s prompt (optional, as always). Love poems are a staple of the poetry scene. It’s pretty hard to be a poet and not write a few – or a dozen – or maybe six books’ worth. But because so many love poems have been written, there are lots of clichés. Fill your poems with robins and hearts and flowers, and you’ll sound more like a greeting card than a bard. So today, I challenge you to write a “loveless” love poem. Don’t use the word love! And avoid the flowers and rainbows. And if you’re not in the mood for love? Well, the flip-side of the love poem – the break-up poem – is another staple of the poet’s repertoire. If that’s more your speed at present, try writing one of those, but again, avoid thunder, rain, and lines beginning with a plaintive “why”? Try to write a poem that expresses the feeling of love or lovelorn-ness without the traditional trappings you associate with the subject matter.

I’ll admit I didn’t know where to begin with this one. Yes, I write love poems every year at least twice (Valentine’s Day/birthday poem in February and anniversary poem in October). A few years ago I started writing anniversary limericks. One because Shawn enjoys limericks and two because I need to stretch my rhyming muscle. After I read today’s prompt, I went on Facebook and a friend (thanks Kris) linked this article. I knew there was a reason I never learned to ride a bike. It had nothing to do with cerebral palsy and total lack of balance. 😉 But now I am going to have to warn my girls about bicycle face.

Sexy Man – Limerick

A husband with shopping list in hand
made a purchase totally unplanned
whatever was he thinking
his wife had no inkling
her sexy man would create such demand

My "Sexy Man" on our anniversary October 12, 2014. Litchfield Park, AZ

My “Sexy Man” on our anniversary October 12, 2014. Litchfield Park, AZ

Since Narrator Central has changed over to Narrator International, my limerick for their “whatever was he thinking” contest was reposted.  Check it out on the Narrator International website.

18th Anniversary Limerick

Steps of Rockwell Hall Buffalo State College

Steps of Rockwell Hall Buffalo State College

There once was a lad who wanted to court
a lass, who saw in his small stature no thwart
reaching only five six
he did quickly transfix
in one wink, eighteen years, breathlessly short

I’m not a fan of shoes.  Under that nice cathedral train, I’m wearing sneakers which were traded out for slippers at the reception.  Needless to say, I would be on my tippy toes all the time if I married a tall man.  When I read an article in Self Magazine on how short men make better husbands, I knew I found the perfect subject for my 18th anniversary limerick.